Wednesday, 28 May 2014

Love Letter from my heart..

This day, 29th May 2004 was the happiest day of my entire life. We were fortunate enough to get married in a castle. I truly felt like a princess.  I found out at 4.56pm that Crystal Palace were being promoted to the Premiership, so Ben would be happy as we exchanged vows at 5pm regardless of how I looked, if he was getting last minute regrets or wanting to run away, he would be smiling and I just hoped it would be because of me.  Ben is my utter rock.  We have ups and downs like most couples and arguably the best thing that ever happened to us, our amazing daughter Charlotte, is what has caused more rucks and arguments than ever before.  There are no disagreements bigger than parental choices and our little princess plays us against each other so well. She is the winner and the apple of her Mummy's eye. Sorry Ben, but I would choose Charlotte every time over you. She needs me and cannot be without me. You on the other hand are fat enough and ugly enough to stand on your own two feet and can look after yourself,  kind of. You would live in a dirty pigsty but could watch as much Jeremy Kyle, Jerry Springer and stupid fishing programmes as you like.

But on the other hand, I want to thank you Ben for the last ten years of marriage. I am still madly, deeply in love with you. You make my heart flutter and skip a beat.  I loved our spontaneous fun days of gigs and festivals, camping trips and endless fun. I love the day that you turned up at my office with a cactus. I love my daisy earrings and necklace. I love the day I was not in the mood for a festival and you made the pub landlord play Insomnia by Faithless and two seconds later we were heading out to Clapham in the rain and buying a dodgy ticket from the tout that dragged us in the woods. You are not flowers and chocolates. You are unique. You are a weirdo with your "Benisms". Your Mum said it would work between us because, "I got you" and not many people do because you are a bit of a freak of nature. You don't keep in touch with that many people, you are a bit of a loner and like your own company, but you never cease to amaze me. A shy man, that dresses up as a Chippendale, Cock Fosters and Alice in Wonderland that delivered the most amazing wedding speech ever, from your heart, that even had grown men in tears.

I am proud of what you have achieved. You turned your life around from a pot-bellied lager lout to a super athlete running marathons, competing in duathalons and riding 100 miles on your bike; raising thousands for our favourite charity, the Miscarriage Association.

Thank you Ben for being my absolute rock.  I could never have got through our baby losses without you. You had to deal with my pain and your own. All the focus was on me, not you, yet you were so sad yet so strong. Thank you for lifting me when I lost my business and helped keep me calm and in control during my court case. Powerful and strong. Powerful and strong. Of course, I won, sorry we never saw any of the cash, but we did it!! Thank you for being a great father, a wonderful husband and a brilliant son-in-law. Thank you for understanding my Mum's illness. I do not have to be embarrassed or ashamed when you are with me. Thank you for being there when my Dad was a very sick man with cancer. You were by his bedside choosing horses with him and placing his little bets, giving him some normality in his life.

I hope I am there for you when you need me. I know I can be selfish and self centred. Me Me Me Me xxx

You are my personal career consultant, my best friend, my clown, the son I never had, the man I will grown old with and be by your side until death do us part.



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