Big Fat Ginger Wedding..

Tell me why I don’t like Mondays, or Wednesdays or Fridays? I’ve had a bit of a crappy week and like Adele and Taylor Swift who write great songs when they have been dumped, I like nothing better that to put pen to paper for a moody rant.

My ginger princess did not get her 1^st choice of school or 2^nd choice or even 3^rd choice, but at least I got a local school in Epsom. Two of my Mummy pals got offered schools on a different planet! So what is wrong with the school Charlotte has been allocated? Not a lot.  It had a bad reputation some years ago, which has clearly stuck and subject to a little bit of surrey snobbery (of which I am the world’s worst). If I lived in one of the inner London suburbs, this school could be five star plus!  I saw it for myself. There is a new super head, a high ratio of staff , happy and polite children and a very cute PE teacher.  The lighting was a bit on the dodgy side (all the better to hide my wrinkles which I well talk about a bit later).  The pupils are from a diverse background. If Charlotte comes home dancing like the girls from big Fat Gypsy Wedding, I will be instantly relocating or camping outside of the Surrey County Council Offices in protest. I’ve got to stop being a middle-aged middle-class Thatcherite and just bloody well get on with it.  As for parental choice – that is just a joke. I am a little bit gutted that Charlotte did not get the church school that we longed for. We go to Church every week and love it but apparently it’s okay to give the school places to the atheists that live close by. To hell with them!  Its tax payers money I guess so all parents have the right to attend the school, but abolish church schools I say and the hypocrisy that goes with it.

I am more pissed off about losing my handbag (well Ben’s man bag with my stuff in it) at the end of a lovely trip to Peppa Pig World.  Why aren’t there more honest people in the world?  Take the cash and the M&S vouchers and run and even help yourself to the variety of panty liners, tampax and ad-hoc bits of make up but please give me back my Raybans, Touch Eclat (for goodness sake I am over 40) and Charlotte’s lovely little coat and new shoes oh and my H&M tee-shirt that was rolled up in there. Last year I handed cash in that was sticking out of the hole-in-the wall at Sainsburys. What happened to Karma?  99.9% of people that I know would hand in a lost bag although I do know of somebody that found a Blackberry in the street and sold it on E-Bay!

What has angered me most of all this week is that I looked in the mirror and noticed that my neck looks like a chicken’s neck. It has gone all pink, wrinkly and wobbly. The one tell tale sign of age that a woman cannot hide is her neck. I have enjoyed wearing a variety of scarves and I need to treat myself to more. I feel like a teenager covering love bites, but without the youth and some geeky guy ravishing me like a vampire. Where’s my Benny Boy?

Maggie my inspiration

Margaret Thatcher, you divided opinions, but were a great lady.  You inspired me as a young woman to want to conserve things. I came back from overseas with a suitcase full of dirty washing and a hairdryer.  Because of you I longed for success, wealth and investments.  I achieved them at that time, although too much of the high life and a failed business means I have little to show for it. However, I am happy with a modest home, a semi decent car and a loving family.  You have more balls than Cameron, Blair and Clegg put together. Your love for Dennis was sweet and tender. You were a great woman Maggie and I love you. RIP

On the note of a loving family and a good man, I was wondering recently if my love for Benny Boy will stand the test of time as Maggie’s did with Dennis.  So I wrote a list of Pros and Cons about him. Here it is:-

Pros:-

• Good in a crisis, he is my absolute rock
• Great Dad
• Nice bum
• Good hair
• Showers every day
• Does a lot of good work for charity
• Listens and gives good advice
• Is like a woman in a lot of ways, you can have a good gossip with him
• Dresses nicely
• Makes sacrifices for his family
• Introduced my sister to her husband
• Puts up with my brother!
• Gets my family
• Was a real sweetheart when my Dad was suffering with cancer
• Loves me when I am a squeezing out of a size 14 or a proper size 12

Cons:-

·        Drinks too much beer but is teetotal at the moment due to Marathon training so that does not count

·        Messy slob

·        Not romantic enough

·        Might turn into his Mother

·        Crap TV choices (WWE, Jeremy Kyle, Man V Food to name but a few)

I am pleased to announce that the pros outweigh the cons and it has made me realise that I love my Benny Boy loads and loads and I don’t think we will get a divorce unless he chooses to do so or runs off with a younger, foxier chick. We are even thinking of renewing our wedding vows next year for our 10^th wedding anniversary, any excuse for a party……….