A twinkle in my eye

When I drove through Molesey recently, my home town, I took a detour as I always do down Faraday Road to take a look at number 33, where I grew up from 1976 to 1989.  Charlotte was with me so I showed her the house from the car.  "Was I there Mummy?" When I said no: "Was I in your belly?". I  explained that she was a twinkle in my eye. Later on in the day she told me in a very grown up way that she used to live in my eye. She has made that statement a few times and it cracks me up.

I had a Bridget Jones moment this week. I enjoy the soft play centres and Charlotte was at yet another party on Saturday. I am always wary of being dragged around these crazy climbing areas in case I get stuck or freaked out. On Saturday I found myself crawling along a big tube high in the sky to rescue Charlotte who was having a meltdown. My arse must have been on display to all but I am so thankful that the goddamn thing took my weight and didn't come crashing down on the birthday child's dad's head. My rubbish trampolining skills have improved a tad and I don't wet myself like many women do when their pelvic floor muscles have given up on them.  I just can't stay on my feet but I love it!

We got to see a glimpse of the Olympics this weekend up near Box Hill for the Ladies Cycling event. It twas so exciting and a "once in a lifetime" moment. The highlight for me wasn't the woman in Lycra (who were amazing) but the crazy Police Officer on a motorbike given out generous portions of high fives to the spectators and doing mad pornographic poses on his big machine.  Thank you PC Non Ploddy whoever you are for making my day.

Blog Medley

One hundred years ago girls started their periods at 18, got up the duff at 19 and went on to have lots of babies, miscarriages and stillborns.  The life expectancy of the woman was forty three and she often died due to illnesses related to giving birth. How times have changed. We start our periods at twelve. Apparently because we get such good nutrition (I think it is the hormones that end up in the milk we drink).  The average age for a first child is close to thirty. Many of us are having babies over thirty five, which, according to the interview I watched, is not natural and that we should be embracing motherhood in our early twenties.  In an ideal world, that sounds great and I could now be enjoying my career without juggling it around childcare.  I was just petrified of settling down. I was not the person at nineteen or twenty, than I was at thirty four when I married my Benny Boy. Two of my closest friends got married at nineteen and were both divorced with seven years. At nineteen you are still a child. Have you watched Big Fat Gypsy Wedding?  It’s frightening.  I always wanted to leave it until over thirty, but I must admit that a few weeks shy of my 40^th Birthday was leaving it just a tad late and certainly closed the door, along with other reasons, on going for number two!

Well, it has been a crazy few weeks!  Charlotte turned three and we had back to back parties and celebrations including soft play, princesses & pirates, trips to the farm and a lovely party at a very nice gym where Ben and I had passes to use the facilities and made the most of the outside swimming pool in the sunshine.  We also attended the beautiful wedding of Lisa and Jason who are now hitched. Congratulations to Mr and Mrs Hogg.

I have had PMT from hell this week and am very tired and grumpy. I don’t think it’s just down to my hormones.  The temperature has reached 31 degrees and we are in an office above Dry Cleaners with suicide windows and no air con! Yes, we had a twirly wirly fan but I felt like throwing the friggn thing out of the window, only I couldn’t because the window only opens about 2 millimetres. GRRR. I don’t mind working late either when I get the chance as the longer hours you work in recruitment, the more money you will make, however yesterday I stayed late as the IT guy was still here and  has no key. I couldn’t do any work as he was on my PC!  By this time it was like the hottest sauna in here in the history of saunas.  Nice guy our IT guy but then he wanted to have a conversation about trains whilst all I wanted to do was get home and have a cold shower and a magnum.

The Mother-In-Law has not been too bad, good as gold really. However, she does act a bit strange sometimes. Yes, I have a ginger haired kid but am I a really bad Mum for using a sun hat and factor 50 all over when it is hot?  Well, apparently that’s not good enough and the MIL dressed Charlotte in her cousin’s long sleeved top (he is six), so she looked like a freak!  “Can you buy linen trousers and a long sleeve shirt for next week?” Yes, because I am made of money, there is no Primark in Epsom and she has tons of lovely cotton dresses, skirts, tops, leggings and shorts.

I had another dream last night about kissing an ex boyfriend. This time I dreamt of Andrew Trace… just that I bumped into him and we decided to have a snog. The only person I want to snog is my Benny Boy but that rarely happens with a three year old running around our feet!  The highlight of my week was that a man in white van, not only smiled at me but just to prove a point he then gave me a big wink… maybe my skirt was tucked in my knickers, I had a bogey hanging out of my nose or a big lump of carrot between my teeth.

Fifty Shades of Grey

"Mummy Porn" first time novelist E James is earning a tasty £862,000 a week, is liaising with Hollywood producers and has netted a cool £3.2 million in film rights. Wow and good for her. at 48, this Mum of two has managed to re-live her sexual fantasies and experiences and has made herself a fat load of cash.  Now, why didn't I think of that?

The Epsom Cougars of my office (sorry Ashleigh, though 25 and hot, you are still one of us), had a great time out in Southend-On-sea courtesy of our bosses. Uniformed in H&M Blazers, skinny jeans and killer heels we showed Essex that The Only Way is Surrey.  The guys over there were pretty scared of us to be honest - what a disappointment as it took me over an hour to get ready. So many wrinkles. Thank goodness for YSL touche elat.

One of the most interesting things of the night was meeting our cabby Gordon. After all, I did spend nearly four hours in his company, so we got to know each other intimately. he has eight kids!  His wife who is as old as me and on the cusp of the menopause has recently given birth to triplets.  It serves her right for wanting one more child and getting the shock of her life at an early scan.   In my drunken state, I did ask if the pregnancy was natural and Gordon said that it was! Silly Gordon, did you not see your wife popping the fertility pills or is that just me being a cynic again?

Gordon if you are reading this thank you for making the journey on the M25 and Darford tunnel so entertaining.